What’s Beneath the Disdain?
A common issue that comes up in counseling is having an adverse emotional response to people that the client was or is in relation with – be it romantic, familial, friendship, or work-related.
While it’s necessary to create boundaries with people who aren’t compassionate or supportive, it’s also good to understand why you are harboring negative feelings towards a particular person. Holding on to those feelings can impact how you show up in other areas of your life.
First off, take a step back and consider what you wanted your relationship with this person to look like. What disappointed you in this relationship? How were your expectations or hopes unmet?
Next, think about what this person’s behavior represents. They did not show up the way you wanted them to, so what did they do instead? What values do their behavior demonstrate? This is where you can really get a sense of why you respond so intensely to that person.
Finally, you can go beyond releasing yourself from the hurt and disappointment of this person. Do this by recognizing it’s not just that you don’t like this person, or they are simply not good. Instead, acknowledge that their behaviors are misaligned with what you value in a relationship of that nature. Oftentimes the person may not have the capacity to show up in the way you need them to – adjust your expectations accordingly.
If you find that you’re having a hard time releasing disdain towards a person, consider talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you process it all. Atlanta Wellness Collective has a team of licensed mental health providers who are here to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Danielle Dunkley, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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