Navigating Disenfranchised Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are often seen as a time of joy, family, and celebration, but for those experiencing disenfranchised grief, this season can feel isolating and overwhelming.
Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that isn’t fully acknowledged or supported by society. Unlike more recognized forms of grief, like the death of a loved one, this type of grief can be hidden or minimized, leaving people without the support they need to heal. It is often called invisible grief.
What Does Disenfranchised Grief Look Like?
Disenfranchised grief can stem from many life experiences, for example:
Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, and Miscarriage
These personal losses are often overlooked, leaving people to grieve in silence.
Divorce or Breakups
The end of a relationship can be deeply painful, but others may offer comments like, “You’ll move on,” dismissing the pain.
Family Estrangement
Not being close to family, especially during holidays, can make feelings of loss even more pronounced.
Career or Life Changes
Losing a job or adjusting to retirement can be a significant loss, but it’s often not recognized by others.
Loss of a Pet
Pets are often considered family, but society often downplays the grief that comes with losing a pet.
Political or Social Events
For some, election results or changes in society can feel like a loss of personal or collective values, safety, or progress, which may be dismissed or ridiculed by others.
Loss of Independence or Health
Aging, chronic illness, or disability can lead to grief over the loss of independence or physical abilities, which can be deeply painful and isolating.
READ MORE: When Chronic Illness and Grief Collide
Why the Holidays Amplify Disenfranchised Grief
The holiday season can make disenfranchised grief feel even more intense. Here’s why:
Focus on Togetherness
Holidays are centered around family and connection, which can highlight what’s missing. For example, someone dealing with infertility may feel excluded during celebrations that focus on children.
Pressure to Be Happy
Society often expects everyone to feel joy during the holidays, making it harder to express grief. This can lead to suppressing emotions and feeling more isolated.
Triggering Traditions
Holiday rituals, like decorating the tree or attending family dinners, can be painful reminders of unfulfilled expectations or strained relationships.
Difficult Social Interactions
Holiday gatherings can bring insensitive questions or comments, like “When are you having kids?” or “It’s just politics.” These interactions can intensify feelings of being misunderstood or invisible.
Social Media Comparisons
Seeing “perfect” holiday moments on social media can make people feel inadequate or more aware of what’s missing in their own lives.
Coping with Disenfranchised Grief During the Holidays
If you're experiencing disenfranchised grief this holiday season, here are some ways to cope:
Acknowledge Your Grief
Recognize and validate your feelings. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can be powerful and help provide relief.
Set Boundaries
Decide which holiday events feel manageable and give yourself permission to skip those that don’t.
Prepare Responses
Think about how to respond to triggering questions, such as, “I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
Create New Traditions
Start a ritual that helps you honor your grief, like lighting a candle, volunteering, or focusing on self-care activities.
Limit Social Media
Taking a break from social media can reduce feelings of comparison and help protect your mental health.
Focus on Self-Care
Engage in activities that support your well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, or creative hobbies.
Seek Support
Find a support group, therapist, or trusted friends who can provide understanding and validation. You don’t have to go through this alone.
READ MORE: Coping with Grief During the Holidays
All grief is difficult during the holidays. It can be helpful to acknowledge that it’s ok if this holiday season does not look like it has in the past. Honoring where you are today and offering self-compassion is a powerful and important part of the grieving process. Just because others may not recognize or understand what you are grieving or going through, does not make the experience any less real or valuable. Remember to prioritize your needs, set boundaries, and reach out for help when needed.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog was written by Katrina Keebler.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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