Breaking Down Attachment Styles: Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment is one of the three insecure attachment styles.
A disorganized attachment is formed in childhood when a child is experiencing fear, inconsistency, and abuse by their caregiver. Innately, children know they should be able to rely on their caregivers to meet their physical and emotional needs. Children can start to fear for their safety when caregivers show inconsistent and unpredictable behaviors/responses. Fear can also form from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event or abuse that involves the attachment figure.
Furthermore, the fear the child is experiencing toward the caregiver breaks the trust that the child originally had leading to a disorganized attachment. The child is never able to adapt to the caregiver’s behavior due to not being able to gauge what is going to come next. Over time the child might crave or look for closeness but then reject the caregiver’s proximity and create distance as a result of the established fear.
What do relationships look like with a disorganized attachment style as an adult?
As the child gets older, they wish to be accepted, to love others, and be loved by others, however, they are fearful of people closest to them eventually hurting them. Similar to adults with avoidant attachment styles, an individual with a disorganized attachment will avoid emotional/physical intimacy and close proximity. The difference between the two attachments is that the disorganized attachment individual wants the close relationship that the secure attachment provides. Yet the individual is waiting for rejection, disappointment, and hurt caused by the other. They view the other as unpredictable due to the consent unpredictability of their caregiver.
Self-esteem plays a part in how relationships look for the disorganized attachment individual. High self-esteem provides individuals with self-confidence, self-love, and self-worth. However, individuals typically have low self-esteem and a negative view of themselves created from unmet needs and a lack of love from caregivers in childhood.
Can Individuals change their disorganized attachment style and create secure relationships?
Although secure relationships seem foreign to individuals with a disorganized attachment style, they are able to work towards healing to create secure relationships. If an individual does not work on healing their attachment style it can harm healthy relationships and potentially cause the partner to leave resulting from the lack of trust.
The first part in healing the disorganized attachment style is learning to trust. A therapist can provide an individual with a dedicated space where they can express their feelings and thoughts without judgment. A therapist will be able to help the individual work through their past traumas at a pace that is comfortable while learning coping strategies to help reduce the uncomfortable emotions that are brought up when sharing about past experiences.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog was written by Amanda Shyer.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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