Have you ever had a conversation with your child or teenager and left feeling more confused than when you started?

Have you ever heard your child stumble through an explanation of what they want, need, or feel, only to have no clue what they were trying to convey? Have you ever caught your child's eyes glazing over while you were trying to explain something to them?

Understanding is not as much of a given in conversations as we may think. Many families just barely miss the mark when trying to understand what other members are attempting to convey. It might not seem like a big deal, but a ship that is just one degree off course for long enough can end up docking in a completely different port.

Luckily, it’s easy to practice a few simple skills to help you and your family get back on course. This game is meant to be fun, so I hope you get a lot of laughs while playing, with improved communication as a natural byproduct. Channel your inner silly side, be willing to be vulnerable, and above all, be patient. The game can be frustrating at times—but that’s part of the point, especially in the early stages. It highlights what it feels like to be misunderstood or to have someone "just not get it." Then, it helps your family practice active listening and empathetic reflections so that real conversations become much easier.

Name of the Game: Repeat the Tongue Twister Verbatim

It may sound daunting, but with the skills below, this will be a piece of cake!

Step 1:

Google some of the most complicated tongue twisters you can find. The bigger and more confusing, the better!

Step 2:

Explain the rules:

You can pick any tongue twister you want—the longer and more difficult, the better. You will read the tongue twister out loud, and I have to repeat it back to you exactly as it is written. I can’t look at the tongue twister, and you can’t write it out for me. Those are the only rules.

Children will act as the first readers, while the reciter (the parent) is not allowed to see the tongue twister. Encourage kids to try and stump you by choosing the longest or most difficult one they can find and by reading it as fast as possible.

At this stage, it’s also helpful to model some simple stress management techniques, such as deep breathing, affirmations, expressing gratitude, and physical awareness. These skills will be useful for handling more serious conversations outside of the game.

Give yourself (the parent) 2–3 tries to recite the tongue twister verbatim before introducing the listening skills below. If possible, have another parent or sibling act as a "spotter" to ensure accuracy. Tell them to be strict—and as the reciter, embrace the challenge in the silliest way possible! Kids will love trying to stump their parents.

Then, pause the game to check in with your child. Ask how they feel. Do they feel confused by the tongue twister? Frustrated that Mom or Dad isn’t getting it right? What is it like when they feel misunderstood by a friend, family member, or teacher? Share your own feelings as the listener—how confusing or frustrating it can be to not understand what’s being said.

Step 3:

Explain These Key Listening Skills

Maintain eye contact.
Break up the tongue twister into manageable chunks (3–5 words).
Have the reciter repeat each word carefully.

I never said you had to get the tongue twister right all in one go! All you need to do is get the right words in the right order.

For bonus points, see if you or your child can summarize the tongue twister’s meaning to convey understanding beyond all the confusion.

The Byproduct of the Game

Most of the time, when someone confides in us, all they really want is to be heard. These skills may seem simple, but they are incredibly powerful when it comes to fostering real understanding. If you can repeat or summarize what someone is saying, they will naturally expand on their own, making the conversation deeper and more engaging. That person knows where they want the conversation to go—it’s up to you to follow.

The skill of breaking a message into 3–5 words (or no more than 10 words) is also a powerful tool for giving children clear directives. Have them maintain eye contact while you’re on their level and repeat back what they heard so you know they’re truly listening. This way, everyone stays on the same page.

Try this one to start:

"Five feisty family members frequently focus on fostering frank, friendly family forums."

This blog post was written by Andrew Wallace.

This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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