Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. How we respond when we’re in conflict is a choice. Read further to explore how to handle conflict that creates connection, rather than separation, in your relationship.

Lose the temptation to prove yourself

When we speak from a place of humility, we open up conversation that is helpful and productive. The need to be “right” will often bring a harsh tone or arrogance to any conversation. Allowing space for your words to be informative creates an atmosphere of curiosity. Curiosity is not combative or threatening – this allows conversations to become helpful rather than competitive.

Listen to understand

If you lose a competitive stance in conversation with your partner, you can step into a new perspective. Often this new perspective has value for the situation. Your partner may have an emotion or need that requires attention, or there may be specific information that is gathered that changes things. At the very least, listening-to-understand shows love for our partner, which gives the conversation it’s strength. It allows for comfort, vulnerability and even wisdom. Once we understand, we can often find a solution more quickly.

Assume the best

Our partner deserves our respect. When we assume the best, we’re beginning a conversation with the correct intention. We’re assuming there’s more to the story, more we need to know, maybe a place where we may have misunderstood.

Usually there’s an element of every conflict where both partners are “right.” Whether it’s their good intention, their honest mistake, or a simple lapse in judgement – when we allow our partner to be human, we can admit any missteps without an uprisal. Feeling attacked or misjudged often leads to defensiveness and walls, which can cloud our ability to be authentic. Feeling loved, whether we’re right or wrong, is the basis for a healthy communication style.

Choose words carefully

When we choose our words carefully - with the attempt to honor our partner - we prove that they are important to us, that the relationship has value, and that love is more important than any single event. Often our tone and choice of wording can mean the difference between an easy resolution and a full-blown argument. “Thanks for not calling me back” sounds more combative than, “Is everything ok? I waited to hear back and began to worry?” Both of these remarks express the desire for communication, but one assumes that the partner intended to be hurtful and the other gives grace while still expressing the need for attention. One lights the match of anger while the other beckons for connection. One leads to defending, the other leads to understanding.

Connection is the goal

How we speak to our partner is perhaps the best predictor of safety and vulnerability in relationships. Our words carry great weight. They can give life and beauty or they can sting and wilt us.

Watch your partner’s reactions when you speak. Do you build them up? Do you affirm their worth? Do you speak to their heart as if they are priceless? If you do, you are choosing to nurture your connection. This single act can foster the most intimate and peaceful relationship. Giving your partner the gift of your best allows for growth, healing, depth, and authenticity. In essence, you have created the perfect oasis where walls shrink, humility blossoms, and connection multiplies.

Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online. We have a number of providers who can help you and your partner manage conflict and move toward connection.

This blog post was written by Michelle Parker.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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