Whether in a long-term relationship, newly engaged, pre-commitment, or celebrating 50 years of marriage, many couples find themselves wondering if, and when, the time is right to seek couples counseling. This is a great question with many possible answers, the most important perhaps being; there is no right or wrong time to begin couples counseling.

Couples counseling is not reserved for those who are in crisis. Much like dental cleanings and physical check-ups, couples counseling can be preventative and help to further reinforce an already strong foundation, as well as to shed light on any areas of concern.

Often, the hardest part for many couples is taking the first step to reach out to a counselor, especially if one or both partners are new to counseling. Like any other first-time experience, it’s normal to have questions about what to expect. While this will look different depending on your counselor, your reason for seeking counseling, and the particular method of counseling being utilized, below are some things you likely can expect to experience once beginning couples counseling:

It May Not Be a Quick Process

Many couples ask how long they should expect the therapy process to take. There is not one answer as each couple is unique, with different presenting issues, relationship history, and goals for counseling. Some clients begin counseling to work through a specific event over a period of 6-8 weeks, while others may find it most helpful to schedule appointments for six months to a year or more. You will collaborate with your counselor to find the most helpful frequency for your specific situation.

Your Partner Will Not Magically Change

While nobody magically changes, as you both grow and learn healthy patterns of communicating and coping with triggers/stressors, a shift in your relationship will occur. As with any family system, when one member of the system begins to transform, other members will adjust accordingly. Expect to work together on root issues and symptoms to improve or revive your relationship.

It’s Possible to Learn to Communicate Differently

While it may not feel like it, over time and with practice, new patterns can be formed and in-the-moment reactions can be replaced with well-thought out responses. The therapeutic process aids in giving you and your partner a safe space to process, share, discuss, heal, learn, and grow together.

You May Feel Worse at First

Especially in the beginning of counseling, it’s normal and expected to feel “worse” as topics and conversations that may not have been discussed in a long while are brought out in the open. The “excavation” process can be painful and messy, and also necessary, to reveal the treasure buried underneath the surface. Don’t give up!

It’s Okay to Drive To Sessions Separately

Some couples find it helpful to attend appointments in separate vehicles so that they have their own space to individually process the session afterwards. Sometimes this space provides a needed pause before reengaging the relationship again at home, and this is perfectly okay. Another suggestion is often for couples to participate in their own individual counseling during the process of couples counseling. At Atlanta Wellness Collective, we utilize a Collaborative Care Model to help you go further faster with your therapy process. Our counselors can work together on your treatment goals as you work as a couple in couples counseling. It can be expected that your couples counselor may recommend you also participate in individual counseling while in couples counseling. The couples counseling is focused on your relationship, while individual counseling is a space just for you!

The Therapeutic Relationship is an Important Part of Growth and Healing

While utilizing specific methods of counseling and therapeutic techniques is an important part of the counseling process, studies have shown that the therapeutic alliance (the bond between client and counselor) is the most important predictor of positive outcome in treatment. If either one of you feels uncomfortable or hesitant to share in an authentic way, it’s recommended and more than okay to communicate this to your counselor. Feedback is welcomed and part of building a stronger alliance. This type of communication allows your counselor an opportunity to process with you and to make a repair. If this is not your experience, it’s also more than okay to seek an alternate counselor, and we can help you do so at our offices!

Now that we’ve addressed couples counseling through a more broad lens, in future blog posts, we’ll explore specific methods of couples counseling and how they can be utilized as a guide in the counseling process.

VIEW MORE: Resources for Couples >

Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.

This blog post was written by Anna Gould, MA, APC, NCC.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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