How to Talk to Children About Hard Things: Mistakes & Failures
Practice makes perfect. That phrase has been said time and time again, but our children, and even sometimes adults, want things to be perfect on the first try or expect perfection from the start.
Mistakes and failure help us grow as individuals. Mistakes are what make us interesting and unique. Humans are not perfect, we were never made to be perfect. It is always important to tell our kids that mommies make mistakes, daddies make mistakes, teachers make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes.
Author Robyn Silverman, PhD states in her book that research shows when we are driven only by how we perform rather than our effort, our experience, our growth, and our enjoyment, we create what is called, “the perfection paradox.” When individuals become fixated or hyperfocused on making mistakes or previous mistakes, we sabotage our performance; performing at a level lower than our abilities allow. This may create a need to:
Conceal mistakes
Back away from opportunities
Blame others for failings
Be rigid and overly demanding
Experiment with risky behavior
Become overly self-critical
Individuals with perfectionism and high achievement qualities experience more burnout and respond to failure with higher levels of shame and guilt than others. It is important to teach our children that failure is always an option. Children being afraid of failure or making mistakes does start with the environment they are surrounded in at home, school, sports. As a parent, ask yourself the following questions to ensure your child is in a safe place too fail:
Are your standards too high or unrealistic?
Do you criticize your child(ren) despite their best efforts?
Do you manipulate or pressure your child(ren) to feel, think, and behave in a specific way to prevent minor mistakes?
Do you treat your child(ren) more positively and kindly when they perform perfectly and treat them more negatively and harshly after imperfect performances?
Are you overprotective or excessively vigilant regarding mistakes or preoccupied with imperfect performances?
Success and failure work together simultaneously. Many of our experiences are not utter failures, nor perfect successes; there are always lessons to be learned.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Ashley Dressel.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
VISIT US ON INSTAGRAM @atlwell
