Mindset of Change
To start, I’d like to ask you a question: How are we already in September of 2021?
If you’re anything like me, a slight tinge of panic just shot through your whole body. I shouldn’t bring it up, but 2020 was a tough year and even for as long as it felt, it’s finished. We blew past these last eight months. And besides the ever changing fall weather, football (Rise Up! and Go Dawgs!), and too many holidays to mention, we find ourselves staring at the inevitable end of 2021.
The concept of time has always been a difficult one for me to reconcile. It’s ever fleeting, cannot be slowed, nor can it be refilled. I also believe; however, that it’s what makes the human experience both immaculate and challenging. When I use this to remind me of the value of each day, week, moment, or season then I’m able to be present, energized, and focused.
Emboldened for the journey ahead
I want us to take a look at New Year’s resolutions (and IMO the absolute silliness of why we do it). I love the idea of new beginnings, growth, and change, but I think we can use the time leading up New Years as a perpetual waiting period, like a college student who procrastinates on a writing assignment until the night before a paper is due. We put things off for all sorts of reasons.
Some reasons make sense, while others are less appropriate. I have always found it interesting why we typically only engage our goals once a year on New Year’s Eve, as though it is some special reference point for change. If I could diverge back to my issues with the depletion of time, you may start to see why I have such dislike for New Year’s Resolutions.
I say all of this, because I believe that “self-awareness” is the most important and underdeveloped skill we can learn. Self-awareness the key to change, growth, goals, and fulfillment. Without it, life will feel even more chaotic and frustrating than it already can. With even a moderate level of true self-awareness, we can feel immeasurably different on this journey called life.
Why?
Why do we wait to make changes and choices we know are good and healthy for us? With the remaining five months of the year, I encourage you to ask yourself some questions:
Have I accomplished the things I set for myself this year? If yes, list them out and be proud. If not, make a list and make a plan of attack.
On a scale of 1-10, how would I rate my satisfaction/happiness/contentment with life? Sometimes I encourage clients to answer this based on a few big bucket areas that encapsulate life (Physically, Mentally/Emotionally, Spiritually, Relationally, Passions/Hobbies, and Career/Job). Give each bucket a rating, and think about which goals would make the most impact on those ratings.
What is holding me back from moving towards any of my goals? We often don’t have a good answer for this one.
If I was to move forward and achieve any of the unmet goals, how would I feel? This simple question is a powerful one, because it breaks past the logical side of how accomplishing a goal is good, and moves it to the emotional connection to that accomplishment.
Would attempting to accomplish a goal feel better than never starting or failing? I believe this is the make it or break it question. How you answer this question will determine the rest of your year, and arguably your outlook on life. Often I encourage clients towards a growth mindset. This type of mindset posits that any progress towards a goal is a worthy effort. Despite sayings like, “You can’t teach a dog new tricks!” and “People can’t truly change!”, our brains are far more flexible than we give them credit for. We can all change, we can all grow.
What is one goal I could take a step towards today (any size step)? You know what follows that question? Do it. Don’t overthink it, just move!
We can’t change what we’re not aware of. We live in a fast paced world, where far too often our response to most normal exchanges start with, “I’m good. Crazy busy. How about you?” Busyness is the killer of self-awareness, and also contentment.
Slow down. Despite what the world around us tells us, we are doing far more damage to ourselves, and losing out on fulfillment and satisfaction by never slowing down and asking ourselves a few simple questions. What makes you happy? What are you able to get excited about? What do you need (at a very vulnerable level), what do you need?
It will take some practice and convincing for your brain to believe that you have far more power over your choices than you believe, but it is possible. Don’t wait another moment, or another day to explore and take action. Any action towards a goal (no matter the outcome or the distance traveled) is always the best choice. Have the courage to grow, recognize your power of choice, and celebrate the change.
Practical Tips:
Schedule at least one hour a week to sit and grow in self-awareness.
Write down and specifically name a few goals and steps to accomplish those goals. Put them somewhere visible daily (bathroom mirror, phone screen background, etc).
Share them with a partner, spouse, or trusted friend. No strings attached. No accountability. Just tell them. That’s enough for now.
Focus each day on the next step forward (not the mountaintop you are trying to summit).
Admire the “Scenic Views” of noticeable progress...take a picture and keep moving.
Dig deep in the trenches and valleys. Be kind to yourself and give grace.
Celebrate the victories!
When sufficient and acceptable celebration has been had by all...look for your next mountain top (it’s out there waiting for you).
For we do not arrive at a mountaintop to live out our days there, but rather to continually climb, to continually grow, and in doing so make the best of this life we have.
Bonus Tips:
Every day is a new day…the start of a New Year!
Have you gotten overly comfortable with a life that is unsatisfying, because something holds you back? Be willing to get uncomfortable.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. To talk to someone about counseling or therapy, please contact us at hello@atlwell.com or schedule an appointment for in person or virtual counseling today.
*This blog post was written by one of our founders, RJ Thaxton MA, LPC, NCC. RJ works with adults and couples through therapy, life coaching, & executive coaching.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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