Reparenting Self: Part 2
This blog post is a continuation from Part 1 on Reparenting Self.
Reparenting is essentially giving to ourselves what we did not receive in our early years.
In the process of reparenting we learn to meet our own needs that went unmet in childhood. Unlearning can be just as important on the journey to greater health and wellness-this reparenting of self involves unlearning ways of relating to self and others that are neither healthy or effective in our adult relationships.
Learning to Communicate Your Needs
Because healthy, adaptive ways of communicating and being in relationship with self and others were not modeled for many of us in our family of origin, we may find ourselves for the first time beginning to understand what it means to be able to regulate emotion, engage in conflict resolution, problem solve, say “no”.
To begin doing this, it often involves connecting to the hurt parts of ourselves and asking, “What do you need in this moment to feel seen and safe? It may look like gently reminding our hurt inner child that there is a loving adult who is able to step in and provide protection and a sense of security, thus allowing that inner child that they no longer have to please, perform, hide, or attempt to manipulate a situation in order to feel safe.
Nurturing Your Inner Child
As busy adults-many in the throes of parenting (or grandparenting) our own children/grandchildren, it can feel awkward or counterintuitive to consider that we have an inner child who needs our care, attention, and words of affirmation. Yet, as Psychologist and author, Dr. Alison Cooke, explains, “We are multifaceted people and we carry within us all the memories that comprise every version of ourselves.” This means that we not only have an inner child, but an inner adolescent, and teen as well, and they all require the nurturing, comfort and compassion of a loving parent.
This concept is an integral part of the recovery process for those individuals who identify as Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA). The ACA program literature defines reparenting as “A looking within; giving ourselves what we needed to receive as children.” In fact, the solution to the problem (described in ACA program literature as feeling uneasy around others, especially authority figures, people pleasing, having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, being actors rather than reactors, keeping feelings buried, fear of abandonment, etc.) is “to become our own loving parent.”
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Anna Gould.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
VISIT US ON INSTAGRAM @atlwell
