How to Talk to Children About Hard Things: Friendship
No parent desires for their child come home crying or in a bad mood because someone or a group of kids would not allow them to play with them or refused to let them join their group.
When it comes to playground rules for children, they are anything but set in stone. The ideas of compromise, taking turns, letting kids down easy, or finding common ground is not fully taught or learned in those crucial, elementary years.
Friendship is a connection to a person as well as our behaviors, expectations, and feelings about that connection. As I hear adults say all the time, “We can’t choose our families, but we can choose our friends.” It is important to have the conversation with children on what makes someone a good friend or what traits should an individual have that would make someone a good friend? Author, Lydia Denworth, states, “A good-quality friendship has three minimum requirements: it’s long-lasting, positive, and cooperative.” Other extensive benefits include:
Develops social skills
Improves self-esteem
Helps us feel like we fit in
Offers support
Reduces stress
Makes us healthier and happier
Again, depending on development and age-appropriateness, a great way to have a conversation with your children about friendship is to brainstorm the “ingredients” that would make up a friendship stew. What “ingredients” would make the stew hearty, rich, and filling? Some key characteristics that may be beneficial to break down with your kids are:
Dependable: the ability to show others they can trust you and rely on you; brainstorm with your children examples of how this could be shown.
Consistent: knowing what to expect; not there one day and gone the next.
Supportive: showing that you are there for your friends when going through a tough time-sitting and listening or just being able to lift them; encouragement.
Cooperative: “You need to be a good friend if you want to have a good friend.”
A great, simple activity to do with your children is to ask them to provide you with three words they would use to describe a good friend. When they have given three words, ask them if some of their current friends portray or embody those descriptors you used. This will prompt a great conversation regarding friendship.
By providing our children with the tools to form and maintain healthy relationships, you’re giving them a gift that will enrich their lives and help them grow into compassionate, well-rounded individuals. Start the conversation early, keep it ongoing, and watch as they build meaningful connections that will last a lifetime.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog was written by Ashley Dressel.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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