Breaking Down Attachment Styles: Avoidant Attachment
Attachments are formed in childhood and reflected in adulthood.
An avoidant attachment, also known as anxious-avoidant or dismissive, is formed by children not receiving emotional intimacy from caregivers. Caregivers will often be strict and emotionally distant parents while still being physically present. Individuals have an innate need for love and affection from others, especially caregivers. When caregivers are emotionally distant it teaches the child not to express their emotions and be self-sufficient to the extent of not relying on others.
When children seek emotional support from caregivers and do not receive it, theoretically caregivers closing the door in the child’s face, the child will stop seeking emotional support from others and essentially try to numb emotions, negative and positive. Later in life, emotions can overwhelm the individual and cause them to distance themselves. Since emotional connectedness is what forms secure attachments in childhood, an individual that does not receive that connectedness, forms the child to be independent and often times high achievers. Without relying on others for emotional support, individuals build their self-esteem from personal success.
Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships
Despite the term avoidant, individuals with avoidant attachment styles are not necessarily alone or lonely. Often they do have many friends or romantic partners, however, they are more superficial or surface level. For relationships to become meaningful, the relationships have to deepen, which happens when individuals allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable with others. As stated above, individuals with avoidant attachments are overwhelmed by emotions, their own emotions or those around them.
When a romantic relationship starts to become serious or the partner seeks more emotional intimacy, the individual will most likely try to end the relationship. Since individuals with avoidant attachments are independent, they have grown to believe that they do not need emotional intimacy. They are essentially reflecting what they received from their caregivers.
Can individuals form secure relationships with an Avoidant Attachment Style?
The first step in creating secure relationships is the individual recognizing they have an avoidant attachment. No change can be made without self-awareness. Since individuals have avoided their emotions, part of healing is becoming attuned to their emotions and the physical sensations that the emotions create. Once experiencing emotions more fully or more often, individuals will move toward recognizing their emotional needs. They can be a struggle and they might need help from others or from a therapist. Once an individual starts expressing their emotions and having their emotional needs met, they are able to deepen relationships that they have previously kept at a superficial level.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog was written by Amanda Shyer.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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