Accepting What We Cannot Change
“Accepting is not resignation. It is not passively giving up. It takes courage and strength.” - Shunya Anding
Whether or not you have ever been part of a 12-step program, chances are that you are familiar with the Serenity Prayer. It’s often found framed in stores, gift shops, and scripted beautifully on the pages of Pinterest. The Serenity Prayer has been quoted in movies and TV shows where a familiar character is shown seated in a circle with other members of a support group.
Asking for the serenity to accept what we cannot change, the courage to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know the difference is foundational to any type of 12-step program. The prayer allows us to relinquish old beliefs, patterns, and coping mechanisms that offer the illusion of control that can prevent us from being in the present and accepting life just as it is. This is where the real healing and recovery begin.
It can be both liberating and anxiety-provoking to recognize that we have the ability to change or control. Where individuals fall on this scale is usually dependent on where they are in their own recovery. What does it mean to accept what we cannot change? What is actually within our “circle of control?” Can we control another’s substance abuse, gambling, pornography addiction, actions, words, love for us? Why do we try?
Perhaps most often, we fear what might happen to us, our loved one, our relationship, or our expectations if we relinquish control. To accept rather than coerce, manipulate, or enable, may seem completely counterintuitive, especially when we see a loved one in a cycle of self-destruction. How can stepping back and doing “nothing” be the right thing?
What if we considered that acceptance requires intentional action? “Stepping back” can be a courageous move that allows others the space and the dignity to choose for themselves.
Making space to disengage or defuse from a person, a situation, or from negative thought patterns allows us to have a more clear, realistic view and awareness of what’s taking place in the present moment and in what areas we need to practice acceptance.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Anna Gould MA, LAPC, NCC.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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