Families often miss out on crucial conversations and connection time by skipping family dinners.

With the busyness of life, back to school, and other kids activities, it can be difficult to find time to sit down and share a meal as a family. However, time around the dinner table, if planned intentionally, is key for connecting with your kids or teens. And more importantly, getting to know them deeply.

Parents often ask in therapy, "How can I connect with my kid/preteen/teen? They don't seem to have anything to say to me."

Or they share this classic, "I ask my kid/preteen/teen how their day was, and all I get is a short, 'Fine.'"

Connecting with your child or teen starts with crucial conversation, intentional questions, and certainly, patience. Family dinnertime is a great ritual to start because it's an intentional time to connect and converse.

We recommend families:

Host family dinner at home, rather than at a busy or loud restaurant. This creates a better atmosphere for conversation and connection.
Set a "no technology" policy for family dinner time. This means no phones and no tv. Less distraction, more connection.
Structure your weeks around family dinner night. Make family dinner something to look forward to. Kids have sports on Tuesdays and Thursdays, set family dinner each Monday, for example.
Involve everyone. If you ask a question, parents should also answer. You can also have your kids/teens come up with questions or topics for family dinner night. Each family member should feel involved and included.

Below are 4 family dinner conversation ideas to get started with your family.

Get Specific

Instead of asking, "How was your day?" To which your child responds, "Fine"... Get more specific.

Ask, "What was the most difficult thing you faced today? How did you get through it?"

"Share two things with the family that you didn't know when you woke up, but that you now know (tap into what your child is learning)."

"Tell the family about your ideal future job/vacation/hobby. What gets you excited about this?"

"What tv shows are you loving right now, and why?" or "What fictional character do you relate to the most? And why?"

Check in with Highs and Lows

Start a tradition of checking in as a family during family dinner. The best way to check in is to share a high and low from the day/week. Some call it "pits and peaks." Each family member should check in by sharing a "high" of the week and a "low." Follow up questions are appropriate.

Focus on Values

We recommend that families come up with family values together. Simply put, family values are "what matters to us around here." For example: In our family, we value growth, honesty, adventure, and faith, among other things. Your family values lay the foundation for your family. Family dinner is a great time to talk about, "What matters most to us as a family?"

If your family values “service”, then conversation topics could focus on, "What is one way you helped someone today?"

If your family values faith, you could host a devotional time during family dinner.

There are 100s of values, and none are right or wrong. Each family is unique, and each family will value different things. The important thing is to communicate about your family values.

"Would you Rather"

For a silly family dinner theme, google "Would you Rather" family topics. "Would you Rather" are funny questions to ask around the dinner table, such as "Would you rather have the superpower of invisibility or flight? And why?" There are dozens of these topics online to pick through.

The purpose of intentional time and conversation with your kids, spouse, and family is to get to know your kid/teen/spouse's heart. When we make time for family dinner and family conversation, we not only show that we value our time as a family, but we value truly knowing one another. Try out these ideas during your next family dinner. Or better yet, if you don't have a family dinner ritual, start there. It's never too late to begin a new tradition with your kids or teens.

Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. To talk to someone or schedule an appointment, please contact us or request an appointment today.

This blog post was written by Nicole Thaxton, PhD.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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