How to Talk to Children About Hard Things: Divorce
Most parent agree that connecting with our children is a huge priority.
Connecting with our children requires being able to identify, communicate and acknowledge their questions with appropriate answers. This blog series will provide tips, tricks, and best practices for when your child asks those sensitive or difficult questions. Topics including divorce, friendship, mistakes, and failure will be discussed and help prepare parents for the heavy conversations.
A traditional or “normal” family to most individuals and cultures include both a mother, father, and children that live in the same household. In today’s society, there are children of divorced parents, blended families, adopted children, same-sex parents, single parents, etc. Family, by definition, is “a group of two or more people related by blood, marriage, adoption, or mutual commitment and care for one another-regardless of gender, age, location, race, or ethnicity.”
When talking to children about family, it is important to try and reframe how we speak about family. One important concept to explain to children is that it is not how or what a family looks like, but how it feels. Questions to consider are: Is the family loving? Do you feel safe and comfortable with your family/in the household? Is it a positive environment? These questions allow children to shape into understanding of what it means to be part of a family.
When explaining divorce to children, it is key to use tangible and comprehensible terms without portraying your personal opinions in which could blur the facts, but also maintain age-appropriateness:
Answer Clearly
“Your friend’s mom doesn’t live with the family because she and her dad are divorced.”
Check in on Level of Understanding
Make sure to ask your child if they understand the concept; or if age appropriate, if they know what the word ‘divorce’ means or have they heard it before?
Explain as Needed
“Divorce is when two adults or individuals who were married decide they no longer belong together and choose to no longer live together.”
Answer Questions
Kids are going to ask follow-up questions, this is normal! Kids love to ask the question “Why?” Provide a clear and concise answer, this answer could vary for all kids and all ages.
Try a Metaphor
“You know when one of your toy breaks and it cannot be fixed? When a marriage comes apart or breaks, and there is no right way to fix it, the two adults choose to get a divorce and separate.”
Stay Open to Further Questioning
Always affirm your children that questions are okay and to make sure they are aware that if they have any questions about divorce, families, marriage or anything that was discussed, they can always ask you.
Talking to children about divorce is never easy, but approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and patience can help them navigate this challenging topic.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Ashley Dressel.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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